Marriage Process in AustraliaStep 1. You or your fiancé will need to make an appointment with the purohit as soon as possible to sign the Notice of Intent to Marry (NOIM). Both the groom and the bride need to sign the NOIM. It must be lodged at least one month before the marriage is conducted For example — if you wish to get married on the 1o June then you need to sign the NOIM by the 10th May at the latest.)
Any one of you can alone lodge the notice in Australia. If both of you are outside of Australia you can have an authorised person witness the notice overseas — see addendum below. There is a lodgement fee of $175.00 — non-refundable that must be paid with the NOIM. DOCUMENTS REQUIRED
You may bring your parents to this interview if you wish but the papers must be signed in private to preserve confidentiality. |
|
Step 2. A meeting will be required with the bridal couple and all other interested parties such as parents, siblings close friends etc. to discuss the format and program for the Hindu wedding ceremony.
The following topics will be discussed:
Any doubts or special requests will be responded to. You will need to provide the names of your fathers, paternal grandfathers and paternal great grandfathers for mention at the Hindu ceremony. Step 3. Some time prior to the wedding day a rehearsal can be arranged for the couple and any others that wish to attend. Step 4. A week before the wedding the couple will need to meet with the purohit to sign Declarations as to conjugal status. Step 5. Conduct the ceremony. A running commentary on the ceremony is given in English for the benefit of the guests. Step 6. After the wedding the marriage registry and official certificate will be signed with the couple and 2 witnesses. Step 7. The couple will then be presented with the certificate of marriage. |
Overseas Applicants for Marriage When a couple desiring to be married in Australia are resident or working overseas then they can lodge a Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM) form in that country. This for must be signed in the presence of:
When the signature of one party to an intended marriage cannot conveniently be obtained, one party may sign and lodge a Notice of Intended Marriage form, but the other party must also sign the form in the presence of the authorized celebrant before the marriage takes place. The celebrant must be satisfied that the party who has not signed has a genuine reason for not being able to do so at the time the Notice is lodged and is fully aware of the marriage. The celebrant may receive the NOIM by fax but must sight the original before the marriage ceremony takes place. |
The Vedic/Hindu Marriage Ceremony
The grhya sutras are the Vedic manuals which deal with the performance of the domestic ritual. Each of the four Vedas developed several schools and each of these schools produced its own manual based on the original Vedic texts. In each part of India different schools prevailed, and thus gave rise to the regional variations which are found today.
In the Puranic age the relatively simple ceremony was greatly elaborated upon, and the nuptial ceremony became transformed into the complicated five day celebration which has retained its usage from the middle ages up to the modern times.
The original Vedic ceremony was meant only for the members of the three initiated castes, and commendable tolerance was shown towards family and social customs being associated with the marriage ceremony. Each caste and sect developed peculiarities of their own which were always tolerated and it is stated that the women of the family should be consulted in matters of marriage rituals and customs apart from the orthodox Vedic ceremony.
Whatever the differences may be, there are five essential features of the Vedic Marriage that are the irreducible minimum, and must be included if the ceremony is to be considered bona-fide and valid. Whatever customs and rituals the people wish to adhere to must be done in addition to the five essentials. According to the Shastras folk customs regarding marriage must always be respected by learned brahmins.
The five essential features of a Vedic Marriage are;
vagdanam ca pradanam ca varanam pani-pidanam | sapta-padi iti pancango vivaha prakirtih ||
In the Puranic age the relatively simple ceremony was greatly elaborated upon, and the nuptial ceremony became transformed into the complicated five day celebration which has retained its usage from the middle ages up to the modern times.
The original Vedic ceremony was meant only for the members of the three initiated castes, and commendable tolerance was shown towards family and social customs being associated with the marriage ceremony. Each caste and sect developed peculiarities of their own which were always tolerated and it is stated that the women of the family should be consulted in matters of marriage rituals and customs apart from the orthodox Vedic ceremony.
Whatever the differences may be, there are five essential features of the Vedic Marriage that are the irreducible minimum, and must be included if the ceremony is to be considered bona-fide and valid. Whatever customs and rituals the people wish to adhere to must be done in addition to the five essentials. According to the Shastras folk customs regarding marriage must always be respected by learned brahmins.
The five essential features of a Vedic Marriage are;
vagdanam ca pradanam ca varanam pani-pidanam | sapta-padi iti pancango vivaha prakirtih ||
- The engagement ceremony.
- Formal bestowal of the bride on the groom.
- Ceremonial honouring of the groom by the bestower.
- Taking of the bride's hand by the groom.
- The rite of the seven steps.
Standard South Indian Marriage
There are many sub-variants of the South Indian wedding ceremony peculiar to each and every Southern caste and community. Here we give the format for a standard Non-brahmin South Indian ceremony. Any additional activities or particular practices must be discussed with the purohit and with the elder women of the house.
1. Reception of the groom.
The wedding commences with the arrival of the groom and his retinue at the wedding hall. the Toli (the bride's maid), the groom's married sister, bears the Koorai (the bridal sari) and the Tali. at the entrance to the wedding hall, which represents the bride's residence, her parents welcome the groom with the flower garland.
The Tolan pours water over the groom's feet, a gesture lavished on an honoured guest, and he is in return rewarded with a gold ring. Two ladies representing the bride and the groom perform Aarati to ward off negative influences. Thereafter the Tolan and the bride's parents lead the groom to the canopy.
2. The Preliminaries
The groom is seated and together with the father-in-law makes offering to Lord Ganesha, invoking his blessings and protection for the wedding to take place without any unforeseen hindrances. To enlist divine protection, the priest ties a Kaapu made of saffron thread on the groom’s wrist.
3. Arrival of the Bride
The bride now enters the canopy, accompanied by the Toli, flower girls and ladies-in-waiting. The bride sits on the groom's right.
4. Purification ceremony
A purification ceremony is then performed — the object of which is to focus the minds of the couple on the 6 defilements of mind that are the causes of all disharmony and suffering. These are kama — selfish desire, krodha — anger, Moha — delusion, Mada — arrogance, Lobha — greed and Matsarya — envy. The couple are asked to reflect upon these 6 defilements and to resolve to overcome them.
5. The Giving Away of the Bride.
A statement of intent is made and the lineages of the couple are announced, they are then joined in matrimony.
The bride's father, betel and coconut in hand, places his daughter's hand in the groom's right hand. The bride's mother indicates her consent by trickling water into hands of her husband, who gives a gold coin to the groom symbolic of giving away the bride. The groom accepts the coin and in turn gives it to his parents. This signifies the acceptance of the bride by the groom and his family.
6. The Couple’s Praise of Love
The couple recite together:
Who is giving what and to whom ?
Love is the Giver and Love the Receiver.
Love has entered into the Ocean of Being.
Through Love I receive you. O Love all this is for you.
7. Presentation of Garments.
The groom presents the bride with a new set of clothes and jewellery which is a token of his responsibility to care for all her needs.
This is taken around for all the guests to bless.
Wear this garment and may you have fame and longevity, and may we live together until old age. With your grace may we live together for an hundred autumns, enjoying well-being and wealth and ever increasing our knowledge.
The bride may then retire to don her new garments — please note that this will add at least half an hour onto the timing of the ceremony. If possible it should be dispensed with.
8. Madhuparkam
The bride’s parents offer the groom a drink called madhuparkam (honey and yoghurt) and some clothes and ornaments.
9. Mangalya pujanam & Tying the Sacred Tali
The token of marriage — the tali is now worshipped and sanctified. When the bride returns dressed in her new sari the tali is placed around the neck of the bride by the groom.
“I tie this sacred ornament which is my life’s blessing around your neck, O blessed one, so that we may live together for a hundred autumns”.
10. Exchanging of Garlands
The couple now garland each other.
"May all the Directive Energies of the Cosmos unite the hearts of us two, may the Universal Principles, the Life Force and the heavens keep us two together."
11. The Vows
The couple solemnly vow to each other:—
“In all matters pertaining to the three aims of life — Dharma (the sphere of ethical and spiritual activities), Artha (professional responsibilities, pursuit of wealth & security) and Kama (Sex, procreation and recreation) I promise never to do the wrong thing by you”.
These vows are sacred and are thus recited in Sanskrit by the couple:--
dharme cha, arthe cha kaame cha imam na ati charaami
12. Taking the Hand
The groom takes the bride's right hand and the couple recites the following affirmations:--
Together: — I take your hand for wellbeing so that together we may attain to old age in happiness. The Sovereign Universal Principles; Enjoyment [Bhaga], Aspiration [Aryaman], Creativity [Savitar] and Fullness of Being [Purandhri] have united us for the performance of our duties as householders. This institute of Householders was previously established upon these Cosmic Principles, may we attain their benediction. (ApMB.1.3.4)
13. The Rite of Seven Steps
The couple take the first seven steps in their journey of life together each of the steps represents area of life which need to be worked on to make the marriage
The Groom:
You are Primordial Nature — I am all-pervading Spirit — You are Nature. I am the Sky — You are the Earth. I am the seed — You are the bearer. I am mind — You are Speech. I am the melody — You are the words.
14. Homam.
Offerings are made and prayers are recited for the well-being of the couple and to bless them with a long and happy married life.
15. Laja Homa
Puffed rice is offered by the bride assisted by her brother, to pray for the longevity of the marriage. Sometimes the toli and tolan both assist the couple in this.
16. Standing upon the Mill-stone.
The couple walk around the altar to where a millstone has been placed they both touch the stone with their right feet. The groom applies toe-rings to the bride’s feet. The rites of offering the puffed rice, circumambulation and touching the stone are repeated 3 times
Prayer: — "Tread upon this stone, be you firm and steadfast as this stone in your commitment to each other, stand firm in all your tribulations, pressing underfoot all negativity and sorrow."
17. Touching the Hearts
The couple touch each other’s hearts with their respective right hands:--
"May our hearts be united in love and may our thoughts be in harmony, may we walk together and be helpful to each other."
18. Blessings
It is of a hundred measures, man has a hundred years of life, a hundred powers; verily on life and power he rests.
May you both blest with prosperity, vigour, longevity, health, wealth, and domestic animals.
May you have many children and may you live for a hundred autumns.
Rise over conflicts and calamities, exceed your husband, and your children in dignity and pride and be you famous
Those who are at cross purposes and opposed to the wedded couple may they not succeed.
May the hard path of life be crossed by pleasant journey. May all the forces of evil shrink away.
19. Signing the register.
The couple now sign the register and marriage certificate in the presence of 2 witnesses.
20. Presentation of the couple and declaration of marriage.
21. Honorarium (dakshina) is given to the priests
22. Blessings taken from the parents and elders.
1. Reception of the groom.
The wedding commences with the arrival of the groom and his retinue at the wedding hall. the Toli (the bride's maid), the groom's married sister, bears the Koorai (the bridal sari) and the Tali. at the entrance to the wedding hall, which represents the bride's residence, her parents welcome the groom with the flower garland.
The Tolan pours water over the groom's feet, a gesture lavished on an honoured guest, and he is in return rewarded with a gold ring. Two ladies representing the bride and the groom perform Aarati to ward off negative influences. Thereafter the Tolan and the bride's parents lead the groom to the canopy.
2. The Preliminaries
The groom is seated and together with the father-in-law makes offering to Lord Ganesha, invoking his blessings and protection for the wedding to take place without any unforeseen hindrances. To enlist divine protection, the priest ties a Kaapu made of saffron thread on the groom’s wrist.
3. Arrival of the Bride
The bride now enters the canopy, accompanied by the Toli, flower girls and ladies-in-waiting. The bride sits on the groom's right.
4. Purification ceremony
A purification ceremony is then performed — the object of which is to focus the minds of the couple on the 6 defilements of mind that are the causes of all disharmony and suffering. These are kama — selfish desire, krodha — anger, Moha — delusion, Mada — arrogance, Lobha — greed and Matsarya — envy. The couple are asked to reflect upon these 6 defilements and to resolve to overcome them.
5. The Giving Away of the Bride.
A statement of intent is made and the lineages of the couple are announced, they are then joined in matrimony.
The bride's father, betel and coconut in hand, places his daughter's hand in the groom's right hand. The bride's mother indicates her consent by trickling water into hands of her husband, who gives a gold coin to the groom symbolic of giving away the bride. The groom accepts the coin and in turn gives it to his parents. This signifies the acceptance of the bride by the groom and his family.
6. The Couple’s Praise of Love
The couple recite together:
Who is giving what and to whom ?
Love is the Giver and Love the Receiver.
Love has entered into the Ocean of Being.
Through Love I receive you. O Love all this is for you.
7. Presentation of Garments.
The groom presents the bride with a new set of clothes and jewellery which is a token of his responsibility to care for all her needs.
This is taken around for all the guests to bless.
Wear this garment and may you have fame and longevity, and may we live together until old age. With your grace may we live together for an hundred autumns, enjoying well-being and wealth and ever increasing our knowledge.
The bride may then retire to don her new garments — please note that this will add at least half an hour onto the timing of the ceremony. If possible it should be dispensed with.
8. Madhuparkam
The bride’s parents offer the groom a drink called madhuparkam (honey and yoghurt) and some clothes and ornaments.
9. Mangalya pujanam & Tying the Sacred Tali
The token of marriage — the tali is now worshipped and sanctified. When the bride returns dressed in her new sari the tali is placed around the neck of the bride by the groom.
“I tie this sacred ornament which is my life’s blessing around your neck, O blessed one, so that we may live together for a hundred autumns”.
10. Exchanging of Garlands
The couple now garland each other.
"May all the Directive Energies of the Cosmos unite the hearts of us two, may the Universal Principles, the Life Force and the heavens keep us two together."
11. The Vows
The couple solemnly vow to each other:—
“In all matters pertaining to the three aims of life — Dharma (the sphere of ethical and spiritual activities), Artha (professional responsibilities, pursuit of wealth & security) and Kama (Sex, procreation and recreation) I promise never to do the wrong thing by you”.
These vows are sacred and are thus recited in Sanskrit by the couple:--
dharme cha, arthe cha kaame cha imam na ati charaami
12. Taking the Hand
The groom takes the bride's right hand and the couple recites the following affirmations:--
Together: — I take your hand for wellbeing so that together we may attain to old age in happiness. The Sovereign Universal Principles; Enjoyment [Bhaga], Aspiration [Aryaman], Creativity [Savitar] and Fullness of Being [Purandhri] have united us for the performance of our duties as householders. This institute of Householders was previously established upon these Cosmic Principles, may we attain their benediction. (ApMB.1.3.4)
13. The Rite of Seven Steps
The couple take the first seven steps in their journey of life together each of the steps represents area of life which need to be worked on to make the marriage
- Take the first step with me for nourishment.
- Take the second step with me for health.
- Take the third step with me for prosperity and security.
- Take the fourth step with me for consummate bliss
- Take the fifth step with me for the welfare of the cattle.
- Take the sixth step with me for enjoyments according to the seasons.
- Take the seventh step with me for friendship.
The Groom:
You are Primordial Nature — I am all-pervading Spirit — You are Nature. I am the Sky — You are the Earth. I am the seed — You are the bearer. I am mind — You are Speech. I am the melody — You are the words.
14. Homam.
Offerings are made and prayers are recited for the well-being of the couple and to bless them with a long and happy married life.
15. Laja Homa
Puffed rice is offered by the bride assisted by her brother, to pray for the longevity of the marriage. Sometimes the toli and tolan both assist the couple in this.
16. Standing upon the Mill-stone.
The couple walk around the altar to where a millstone has been placed they both touch the stone with their right feet. The groom applies toe-rings to the bride’s feet. The rites of offering the puffed rice, circumambulation and touching the stone are repeated 3 times
Prayer: — "Tread upon this stone, be you firm and steadfast as this stone in your commitment to each other, stand firm in all your tribulations, pressing underfoot all negativity and sorrow."
17. Touching the Hearts
The couple touch each other’s hearts with their respective right hands:--
"May our hearts be united in love and may our thoughts be in harmony, may we walk together and be helpful to each other."
18. Blessings
It is of a hundred measures, man has a hundred years of life, a hundred powers; verily on life and power he rests.
May you both blest with prosperity, vigour, longevity, health, wealth, and domestic animals.
May you have many children and may you live for a hundred autumns.
Rise over conflicts and calamities, exceed your husband, and your children in dignity and pride and be you famous
Those who are at cross purposes and opposed to the wedded couple may they not succeed.
May the hard path of life be crossed by pleasant journey. May all the forces of evil shrink away.
19. Signing the register.
The couple now sign the register and marriage certificate in the presence of 2 witnesses.
20. Presentation of the couple and declaration of marriage.
21. Honorarium (dakshina) is given to the priests
22. Blessings taken from the parents and elders.
North Indian Vedic/Hindu Wedding Ceremony
There are many variants of the wedding ceremony peculiar to each and every Hindu community. Here we give the format for a standard North Indian ceremony common to all North Indian communities. Any additional activities must be discussed with the purohit and the elder women of the family.
1. Reception of the Groom’s party and official meeting of relatives.
The parent’s of the bride formally welcome the groom and his party at the door of the venue.
Milini — The in-laws greet each other and exchange garlands and gifts – (if applicable)
2. Introduction and formal welcome by the priest.
The Groom is then conducted to the canopy [by the parents of the bride.] He takes his seat.
The preliminary pujas are performed to Ganesha etc.
3. The Honouring of the Groom
The parents of the bride now formally welcome the groom.
He is offered water to wash his feet and hands and water to drink.
He is also offered a symbolic drink of honey and yoghurt.
He is offered a banana which he eats and then a coconut which he rolls away.
A set of clothing is presented to him and he is formally requested to be the son-in-law.
4. The Garlanding
The bride is now escorted to the canopy by either her parents, uncle, brother, bride’s maids etc. She can either carry a garland with her or receive the garland from the priest when she arrives at the canopy.
(In some communities a curtain is held between the couple blessings are recited then the curtain is removed and the couple garland each other while reciting:--
“May all the Directive Energies of the Cosmos unite the hearts of us two, may the Universal Principles, the Life Force and the heavens keep us two together.”
5. The Purification ceremony
A purification ceremony is then performed — the object of which is to focus the minds of the couple on the 6 defilements of mind that are the causes of all disharmony and suffering. These are kama — selfish desire, krodha — anger, Moha — delusion, Mada — arrogance, Lobha — greed and Matsarya — envy. The couple are asked to reflect upon these 6 defilements and to resolve to overcome them.
The Fire and other 4 elements are invoked to be present to act as witnesses to the vows about to be made.
6. Presentation of Garments.
The groom presents the bride with a new set of clothes and jewellery which is a token of his responsibility to care for all her needs. Either family can supply the clothes.
The Groom — "Wear this garment and may you have fame and longevity, and with your grace may we live together for an hundred autumns, enjoying well-being, prosperity and ever increasing our knowledge."
7. The Giving Away of the Bride.
A statement of intent is made and the lineages of the couple are announced, and it is declared that they are willingly and of their own free choice joining in matrimony for companionship, social duties, spiritual advancement, prosperity and progeny.
The relevant statements are made in Sanskrit by the priest, the father of the bride places a coconut in the bride’s right hand and then places the bride’s right hand in the groom’s right hand.
The mother of the bride then, at the appropriate time, after the chanting of the mantras, pours some water over the coconut from a conch-shell given by the priest.
The parents of the groom may join their hands and touch his as he accepts the bride.
The parents of both the groom and the bride now take their seats either in the canopy or with the rest of the guests.
8. The Couple’s Praise of Love
The couple recite together after the priest:--
“Who is giving what and to whom ?
Love is the Giver and Love the Receiver.
Love has entered into the Ocean of Being.
Through Love I receive you.
O Love all this is for you.”
9. The Vows
The couple solemnly vow to each other:—
“In all matters pertaining to the three aims of life — Dharma (the sphere of ethical and spiritual activities), Artha (professional responsibilities, pursuit of wealth & security) and Kama (Sex, procreation and recreation) I promise never to do the wrong thing by you”.
These vows are sacred and are thus recited in Sanskrit by the couple:--
dharme cha, arthe cha kaame cha imam na ati charaami
Exhortation by the priest
Om. "Gaze gently upon each other, never be hostile to each other, be tender to birds and animals, of cheerful mind, beautiful in your combined glory, the parents of heroes, be devoted to the gods, may you be the bestowers of happiness to others, may you be good and kind to us, and to all beings." (RV.10.85.44)
10. Benedictory Prayers / Havan
Offerings are made and prayers for the well-being of the couple and to bless them with a long and happy married life.
The focus is either a lit fire or if a lamp is used in lieu of the havan the same prayers and blessings are recited.
11. Taking the Hand
The groom takes the bride's right hand and the couple recites the following affirmations:--
Together:— "I take your hand for wellbeing so that together we may attain to old age in happiness. The Universal Principles; Enjoyment, Aspiration, Creativity and Completeness have united us for the performance of our duties as householders."
The Groom:— "You are Primordial Nature — I am all-pervading Spirit — You are Nature. I am the Sky — You are the Earth. I am the seed — You are the bearer. I am mind — You are Speech. I am the melody — You are the words."
Together:— "May we remain together until old age, loving each other, delighting in each other, with our minds in harmony, appreciating each other’s ideas, views and feelings. May we discover life together for an hundred autumns, may we live together for an hundred autumns, and may we listen to each other attentively for an hundred autumns."
12. Laja Homa
Puffed rice is offered by the bride, with a wish for a long and a happy married life, filled with love, affection, prosperity and joy.
The puffed rice is placed in her hands by a brother or a brother substitute. Another option is for an appointed person from each side to join in.
13. Standing upon the Mill-stone.
The couple retire to the north of the fire where a millstone has been placed they both touch the stone with their right feet. The millstone represents the inevitability of conflicts which arise in every relationship and the resolve to deal efficiently and effectively with them.
The priest recites: — “Tread upon this stone, be you firm and steadfast as this stone, in your commitment to each other — rise above all your tribulations, pressing underfoot all negativity and sorrow”.
14. Circumambulation
The above 2 liturgical acts are repeated 3 times — each time the couple walk around the altar with the bride leading. The fourth round is made with the groom leading.
15. The Groom’s Praise of Sarasvati
The groom recites the following verse after the priest:--
"O Sarasvati Goddess of learning and eloquence, the source of well-being,
O Gracious One, You whom I praise are the source of all creation. "
It is in you the whole creation arose and in whom it is sustained
and into whom it is ultimately dissolved.
Today I shall sing that song which is the highest glory of women.
16. The Rite of Seven Steps
This is the most important stage in a Hindu wedding ceremony and the culmination. The marriage becomes irrevocable on the seventh step.
The couple take the first seven steps in their journey of life together and each of the steps represents an area of life which needs to be worked on in order to make the marriage perfect.
Before taking the steps the clothes of the couple are tied together.
- Take the first step with me for nourishment.
- Take the second step with me for health.
- Take the third step with me for prosperity and security.
- Take the fourth step with me for consummate bliss
- Take the fifth step with me for the welfare of the cattle (investment for the future)
- Take the sixth step with me for enjoyments according to the seasons.
- Take the seventh step with me for friendship
Together — “You are my friend in life through these seven steps; may I attain your friendship, may our friendship bind us together; may we never cease being friends, may our intentions be of one accord, may our radiance be one, and our minds united. We are united in harmony and affection, radiant with kind thoughts, enveloped in enjoyment and strength, united are our minds, our vows and our hearts.”
17. Touching the Hearts & Sindur danam
With their right hands the couple touch each other’s hearts while reciting the following prayer;--
"May our hearts be united in love and our thoughts be in harmony, may we walk together and be helpful to each other."
18. Prayer to the Sun
The couple together recite the following prayer.
"May we continue to see for an hundred autumns, may we live together, may we rejoice together, may we enjoy together, may we benefit others, may we listen to beneficial advice, may we communicate well, may we never be defeated for an hundred autumns, thus may we forever continue to pursue the path to enlightenment."
19. Blessings
This is a translation of the blessing which will be recited by the priests.
“It is of a hundred measures, man has a hundred years of life, a hundred powers; verily on life and power he rests.
May you both blest with prosperity, vigour, longevity, health, wealth, and domestic animals.
May you have many children and may you live for a hundred autumns.
Rise over conflicts and calamities, exceed your husband, and your children in dignity and pride and be you famous.
Those who are at cross purposes and opposed to the wedded couple may they not succeed.
May the hard path of life be crossed by pleasant journey. May all the forces of evil shrink away.”
20. Signing the register.
The couple now sign the register and marriage certificate in the presence of 2 witnesses.
21. Presentation of the couple and declaration of marriage.
22. Honorarium (dakshina) is given to the priests.
23. Blessings taken from the parents and elders.
EXCHANGE OF VOWS AND PROMISES
A fun thing to do is for the bride to extract the following promises from her husband before changing sides after the taking of the seven steps: --
1. If ever, O beloved you desire to go on any journey or pilgrimage or give any gifts, or do any Yajna, then I ask that I be consulted and be allowed to join you on such occasions. If you agree, then I shall sit on your left side.
2. Should you desire to perform any form of worship or ceremony for your departed ancestors, then I ask that you allow me to join you in their execution. If you agree, then I shall sit on your left side.
3. I ask that I be given full control of our house-hold. If we should rear any animals, then I ask that I should be a equal partner in their care. If you agree, then I shall sit on your left side.
4. Whatever wealth is acquired through your earnings, or produce procured, I ask that I be consulted fully in their disbursement and use. If you agree, then I shall sit on your left side.
5. If ever you embark on a project of public benefit such as the construction of temple, well, a pond etc., then I ask that I be consulted in their planning and join you in their inauguration. If you agree, then I shall sit on your left side.
6. Whatever trade, business or occupation you engage in at home or abroad, I ask that you allow me to assist you in that. If you agree, then I shall sit on your left side.
7. Whether in joy or sorrow, in sickness or health, in poverty or wealth, promise me that you will honour, respect, love and be devoted to me to the exclusion of all others. If you agree, then I shall sit on your left side.
The Groom’s request.
The groom agrees to all the previous proposals and makes one demand of his own:--
"Promise me that you will not roam about in parks alone or go to the pub without me, or play with other men, nor sing and dance with them, nor joke with them without my permission. If you agree then I will take care of you!"
Fire
Decision on Necessity of Fire at a Wedding Many families wish to have a havan at their weddings and even feel that in its absence a wedding would not be a true wedding!
Originally the fire that was kindled by attrition at the marriage was taken home and kept burning in the family domestic hearth. Offerings of rice were made daily into the fire in the morning and evening (agni-hotra).These daily offerings were continued for one's entire life. At death one was cremated using a brand form this same fire.
Nowadays no one keeps the sacred fire burning and only a handful of people actually make daily oblations into the sacred domestic fire. So in the modern era the fire at the wedding is merely a throw-back to by-gone days and can very well be dispensed with.
There is a necessity in Hindu culture to make solemn vows in the presence of fire and water. Fire for the purpose of the modern wedding can be invoked in the form of a lamp kept on the central altar in the wedding canopy.
In Australia there are strict controls of fire and many wedding venues will not allow you to have a fire. If they do agree then the purohit will require a written consent form from the wedding venue.
In addition you will need to sign a disclaimer absolving the purohit and his team from any litigation in case of colateral damage. The wording is as follows:--
Havan Disclaimer I ........................... affirm my insistence to have HAVAN (fire-offerings) performed on the occasion of my/my son's/daughters marriage which will take place on the ................................ at ............................
The pandit Ram Sivan who will conduct the ceremony has discouraged me from it's performance and has offered me scripturally sanctioned alternatives. He has informed me of all the possible collateral effects and damages that could possibly occur and I am fully aware that; --
I hereby absolve the pandit Ram Sivan and his team from any blame whatsoever in the event that an untoward event should occur whatever be its circumstance or cause. I am also fully aware that it will be our responsibility to clean up and dispose of the ashes and other residue of the Havan.
Signed .............................
on this day ..............................
Originally the fire that was kindled by attrition at the marriage was taken home and kept burning in the family domestic hearth. Offerings of rice were made daily into the fire in the morning and evening (agni-hotra).These daily offerings were continued for one's entire life. At death one was cremated using a brand form this same fire.
Nowadays no one keeps the sacred fire burning and only a handful of people actually make daily oblations into the sacred domestic fire. So in the modern era the fire at the wedding is merely a throw-back to by-gone days and can very well be dispensed with.
There is a necessity in Hindu culture to make solemn vows in the presence of fire and water. Fire for the purpose of the modern wedding can be invoked in the form of a lamp kept on the central altar in the wedding canopy.
In Australia there are strict controls of fire and many wedding venues will not allow you to have a fire. If they do agree then the purohit will require a written consent form from the wedding venue.
In addition you will need to sign a disclaimer absolving the purohit and his team from any litigation in case of colateral damage. The wording is as follows:--
Havan Disclaimer I ........................... affirm my insistence to have HAVAN (fire-offerings) performed on the occasion of my/my son's/daughters marriage which will take place on the ................................ at ............................
The pandit Ram Sivan who will conduct the ceremony has discouraged me from it's performance and has offered me scripturally sanctioned alternatives. He has informed me of all the possible collateral effects and damages that could possibly occur and I am fully aware that; --
- I may be guilty of breaking any fire-ban currently imposed at the time and could be subjected to warnings and/or penalties.
- There is the possibility of a fine being imposed upon me should the fire alarms be activated and the fire-brigade summoned.
- There is the possibility of deleterious effect or damage to the hall, fittings, and other paraphernalia and accoutrements both of the hall and persons present due to fire, smoke, embers or sparks.
- There is the possibility of damage to the carpet, wooden floor, and all other types of floorings belonging to the establishment where the wedding is taking place due to the unintended spillage of clarified butter, radiating heat, embers, coals or ashes.
- There is the possibility of a person or persons being burnt or injured due to some form of participation in the ceremony through either direct involvement during the ceremony or through help rendered by removing the hot fire pan from the hall.
I hereby absolve the pandit Ram Sivan and his team from any blame whatsoever in the event that an untoward event should occur whatever be its circumstance or cause. I am also fully aware that it will be our responsibility to clean up and dispose of the ashes and other residue of the Havan.
Signed .............................
on this day ..............................
Do’s and Don’ts for an Hindu Wedding
We have had the experience of conducting and directing more than 250 Indian weddings over past 25 years. The following do’s and don’ts are based on our experience as well as feedback from the couples and families we have dealt with. Because of so many things to take care of, organizing this event can be stressful. We hope that following do’s and don’ts will help you organize a successful and enjoyable wedding.
Venues
A hall or function center is the most suitable venue for traditional Hindu weddings. A smallish wedding can be done at home if space permits.
Temples are NOT suitable places unless they are held in adjacent halls. The reason being — the wedding is a human sacrament and there is no invocation of the deity (other than Ganesha). Using a temple is like using some else's house and not inviting them to the wedding! Another reason is that the groom and bride are treated as embodiments of Vishnu and Lakshmi on their wedding day and are literally worshipped as such. In a temple only the enshrined deity may be worshipped and no other!! If using a temple the shrine needs to be closed or the curtain drawn during the ceremony.
Garden/park weddings are becoming more popular but traditional Hindu weddings cannot be done in open space - the mandap has to have a covering. While garden weddings can be romantic, picturesque and charming there are a number of problems which need to be taken into consideration.
1. Permission must be obtained from the relevant council.
2. Many parks may allow a mandap but will not permit chairs to be used. Some parks don't allow music or PA systems either. If there are PA systems then power needs to be thought of.
3. The weather is unpredictable and a lot of effort is taken in setting up - if it starts to rain or become windy once the wedding starts it will not be possible to move indoors to continue.
4. Shade for the guests — visit the proposed venue at the exact time that you hope to have your wedding to ascertain the conditions and position of the shade. If in doubt suggest that the guests bring umbrellas.
5. Lamps are an essential feature of Hindu ceremonies - this may be a problem due to the wind - also many parks will not allow fires, or if there is a total fire-ban then your wedding will have to fire-less.
6. Flies and insects can be a problem - so remember to organise insect-repellant.
7. The priest will need water for the ceremony so remember to make sure a source is nearby.
8. Have an alternative venue in mind, check the weather conditions the day before and take no chances - inform the Mandap people well in advance.
Boats are NOT suitable places for a traditional Hindu wedding! There is no provision in shastra for a sacramental fire to be established over water. The rocking of the boat will also disturb the solemnity of the ceremony.
Most Hindu priests will decline to do a wedding in a boat. At the most one may conduct an abbreviated form — a "modern" Hindu wedding consisting of exchanging garlands, holding hands and walking 7 steps.
If the boat is out in the harbour then remember to organise a water-taxi to take the priest back after the ceremony has concluded.
The wedding is a social, religious and legal event. The ceremony can be the long, orthoprax and very conservative style without any explanation (up to 3 hours), or it can be more practical, relatively short, adjusted to the upbringing of and background of the bride and groom and customized to the specific family traditions with the copious use of English and explanations. Choose your priest consistent with how you want the ceremony to be conducted. Remember that we are living in the West and we don’t need to follow village traditions of India.
2. Focus more on the meaning and significance of the rituals and less on the specific method of how it is done.
The basic steps of the Vedic ceremony are same across India. The sequence, traditions, customs and timing may vary from state to state, region to region and even among different families from the same background. Try to focus on the rational behind the essential rituals and we will customize it to your way of doing it.
3. If possible, give personal invitations to local family and friends.
If possible, personally deliver the invitations to your local friends and family members. Go to their home and request their blessings for the upcoming wedding. You will enjoy the experience.
4. Plan the events jointly with family members on both sides and resolve all issues internally.
Because of different backgrounds (Religion, state of origin, age, financial capability, upbringing, faiths and beliefs, customs etc) there are bound to be differences and conflict among the involved parties on how to conduct the wedding ceremony. You can consult us on all aspects, but we all need to be on the same page prior to planning the actual ceremony.
5. Plan the event well ahead of the actual marriage date.
Do contact us 6 to 9 months in advance of the proposed date. We not only do the actual pre-wedding and wedding rituals but can give valuable guidance on planning items like stage, Mandap, guest sitting, proper direction, Muhurtam, appropriate musical interludes, venue logistics, time lines etc.
6. Adhere to the appointments and schedules.
Every body is busy! Plan the events well and stick to the schedules. If you are going to be late, inform. Arriving late to appointments is to show selfish disregard for the other person.
7. Delegate and delegate locally.
Do get your local friends and families involved in the planning and assign them specific responsibilities. Do assign somebody who understands the marriage program and the time line to help the Priest. Make sure that they take the total responsibility — time line, items required, intention etc. Do assign greeters to welcome the guests at the various functions.
Make sure that the hosts have absolutely minimum tasks assigned on the wedding day.
8. Use e-mail for all communication.
We can send much more information via email. It is much easier to discuss the program, the logistics and the timelines with actual documents in front of you. Also, have all your guests’ email addresses for any last minute changes, reminders, latest weather forecast etc. All the parties concerned have a record of exactly what was said at any given date and time.
9. Plan a joint wedding website.
Include most up to date information on wedding program, time line, venue information etc. Keep it alive with most frequently asked questions from your invited guests.
10. Consider having your entire wedding at one location, preferably at a full service hotel.
Ideally, the ceremony, reception, catering and guest lodging should be all at a full service hotel. This makes an enjoyable and stress free wedding with the least amount of potential problems like weather, transportation, changing of costumes etc.
11. Choose the Mandap so the rituals are visible to all.
Your guest will enjoy the ceremony if they can see all the rituals. We recommend an “open” Mandap on a stage. Make sure that the couple do NOT face South during the ceremony.
12. Inform all guests that this will be a solemn occasion and inform them to observe silence.
Do respect the sanctity of this important Samskara. Traditional Indian weddings can be noisy with guests paying little attention to the rituals except at the Muhurtam. Ours is a solemn and religious ceremony. Do ask them to come on time (on the invitations write 10:00 for 10:30 etc.). Do remind guests to turn off their mobile phones. Do ask guests to remain quiet and respectful. Do ask guests with children to sit towards the back so that they do not disturb the proceedings. Having an MC to make these announcements is an excellent idea.
13. Request a rehearsal with the priest and plan for the logistics review of the actual wedding steps.
Hindu weddings involve lots of specific steps and many people. A full rehearsal, preferably at the actual wedding location, a few days before, with all the people involved in the ceremony, will make your actual marriage ceremony a great success. Make this request to your venue coordinator way ahead of time.
14. Bring all items per the lists provided by the Pandit.
Do understand the reason for each item requested and when it will be used in the ceremony. Assign a single coordinator to purchase and have all items delivered to the mandap at least two hours before the ceremony. Alternatively request the pandit to bring everything and give him the money in advance.
15. Create a serene atmosphere for the wedding ceremony.
Rituals are meaningful only if they are done with the belief in them and devotion to your deities. The mantras require a calm mind, serene atmosphere, clean set up and no disturbance or noise. Do provide seating for all the guests and preferably in theatre style. The Hindu ceremony is relatively longer than any civil ceremony and standing guests will get fidgety and begin chatting and moving around.
16. Work with the venue coordinator on Fire rules and regulations.
Homa (fire ceremony) is integral (but not essential) part of authentic Hindu wedding. We light a small fire with appropriate precautions; nonetheless, get permission and see if they can turn off alarms for the ceremony duration (±1hr). If you prefer the venue and are happy to dispense with the actual fire then a decorative standing lamp can be used instead.
17. Use discrete photography and video recording.
Guests love to take pictures and videos during the ceremony. However, in their enthusiasm to get good pictures, they disturb the solemnity and flow of the various rituals. So, please tell them to take pictures discretely. The photographer and the cameraman should not interfere with the proceedings and by no means enter the Mandap for close-ups! It would be best to get a photographer who has already done several Hindu weddings.
18. Do hire a DJ who understands Hindu weddings.
The DJ should work with the Pandit and the bride and the groom for appropriate music during various steps. He must give a clip on (Lapel) wireless microphone to the Pandit; hand held microphones do not work as they interfere with many rituals that Pandit needs to do.
19 Do make suitable preparations for the Dakshina for the priest.
The dakshina (honorarium) is traditional given to the priests in a ceremonial manner at the close of the ceremony. Remember to have the agreed on amount ready in an envelope — it is usually given on a tray along with some flowers, fruits and betel. Often this detail is forgotten and a "token" is offered at the time leaving the priest to follow up later — this is demeaning and embarrasing.
You can have a beautiful wedding in less than eight hours, with a nice Hindu ceremony followed by a reception in a nice community hall with your close family and friends. No need to stress out over extended and expensive weddings! Weddings are very expensive — so consider dispensing with the frills.
2. Don’t Procrastinate!
Putting things off until last minute will create a disorganized and chaotic wedding. Do not leave major items for the last week. Have a well defined schedule for each event to bring things together.
3. Don’t make last minute requests to the Pandit!
Many guests and family members will ask the Pandit to insert unplanned items during the ceremony (e.g. singing songs, exchanging gifts, adding specific ritual etc). Bring your unique request no later than the day of the rehearsal before the wedding to see if these can be accommodated. On the wedding day follow the program agreed upon.
4. Do not expect everything will go smoothly!
There will be some disappointments such as people may not RSVP on time and may not show up at the last minute. There may be last minute delays and expected help may not be delivered. Some programs may take unexpected turns even after thorough preparations! At the same time, these events will be compensated by many unexpected wonderful events – so, take things in stride and enjoy the function.
5. Do not underestimate actual logistics of the overall event!
There are several considerations of organizing a marriage that requires rational thinking of when, where, what and how to organize the event. Pay attention to space requirements, efficient people flow for reception or dinner, schedule and timings etc. Do not overcrowd!
6. Do not serve food during the Wedding ceremony!
We love to treat our guests with all kinds of goodies when they come to our home and especially to attend the wedding festivities! However, please do not serve food during the puja or the marriage ceremony out of respect for our deities and priests and to preserve the sanctity of the ceremony. It is impossible for guests to eat in silence!
7. Do not arrange seating around tables.
When people sit around tables they cannot properly focus and enjoy the ceremony. Half the guests will have their backs to the mandap and they are also more encouraged to chat. Arrange the seating for the marriage as for a theater preferable in a semi-circle around the mandap so that the guests can feel included.
8. Do not arrange various functions at far away and / or multiple locations.
As stated earlier, ideally, the major functions , for example, the rehearsal dinner or the Sangeet Party a day before, the wedding itself and the hotel arrangements for the out of town guests should be at the same venue or at venues not far away from each other. We have had many experiences where people have arrived late due to traffic issues, getting lost or other headaches just because of the far away locations within the same town. Further, do not underestimate how many times you will visit these venues ! Have them closer to your own home!
Musicians
If you're hiring traditional musicians to play — do make sure that they understand that the wedding is in the foreground and that they are playing background music.
Don't let them think that it is their concert! Do not give them any form of amplifying equipment and make sure that they know that they may be requested to stop playing while the vows are being recited and explanations given.
We have had the experience of conducting and directing more than 250 Indian weddings over past 25 years. The following do’s and don’ts are based on our experience as well as feedback from the couples and families we have dealt with. Because of so many things to take care of, organizing this event can be stressful. We hope that following do’s and don’ts will help you organize a successful and enjoyable wedding.
Venues
A hall or function center is the most suitable venue for traditional Hindu weddings. A smallish wedding can be done at home if space permits.
Temples are NOT suitable places unless they are held in adjacent halls. The reason being — the wedding is a human sacrament and there is no invocation of the deity (other than Ganesha). Using a temple is like using some else's house and not inviting them to the wedding! Another reason is that the groom and bride are treated as embodiments of Vishnu and Lakshmi on their wedding day and are literally worshipped as such. In a temple only the enshrined deity may be worshipped and no other!! If using a temple the shrine needs to be closed or the curtain drawn during the ceremony.
Garden/park weddings are becoming more popular but traditional Hindu weddings cannot be done in open space - the mandap has to have a covering. While garden weddings can be romantic, picturesque and charming there are a number of problems which need to be taken into consideration.
1. Permission must be obtained from the relevant council.
2. Many parks may allow a mandap but will not permit chairs to be used. Some parks don't allow music or PA systems either. If there are PA systems then power needs to be thought of.
3. The weather is unpredictable and a lot of effort is taken in setting up - if it starts to rain or become windy once the wedding starts it will not be possible to move indoors to continue.
4. Shade for the guests — visit the proposed venue at the exact time that you hope to have your wedding to ascertain the conditions and position of the shade. If in doubt suggest that the guests bring umbrellas.
5. Lamps are an essential feature of Hindu ceremonies - this may be a problem due to the wind - also many parks will not allow fires, or if there is a total fire-ban then your wedding will have to fire-less.
6. Flies and insects can be a problem - so remember to organise insect-repellant.
7. The priest will need water for the ceremony so remember to make sure a source is nearby.
8. Have an alternative venue in mind, check the weather conditions the day before and take no chances - inform the Mandap people well in advance.
Boats are NOT suitable places for a traditional Hindu wedding! There is no provision in shastra for a sacramental fire to be established over water. The rocking of the boat will also disturb the solemnity of the ceremony.
Most Hindu priests will decline to do a wedding in a boat. At the most one may conduct an abbreviated form — a "modern" Hindu wedding consisting of exchanging garlands, holding hands and walking 7 steps.
If the boat is out in the harbour then remember to organise a water-taxi to take the priest back after the ceremony has concluded.
- Do’s
The wedding is a social, religious and legal event. The ceremony can be the long, orthoprax and very conservative style without any explanation (up to 3 hours), or it can be more practical, relatively short, adjusted to the upbringing of and background of the bride and groom and customized to the specific family traditions with the copious use of English and explanations. Choose your priest consistent with how you want the ceremony to be conducted. Remember that we are living in the West and we don’t need to follow village traditions of India.
2. Focus more on the meaning and significance of the rituals and less on the specific method of how it is done.
The basic steps of the Vedic ceremony are same across India. The sequence, traditions, customs and timing may vary from state to state, region to region and even among different families from the same background. Try to focus on the rational behind the essential rituals and we will customize it to your way of doing it.
3. If possible, give personal invitations to local family and friends.
If possible, personally deliver the invitations to your local friends and family members. Go to their home and request their blessings for the upcoming wedding. You will enjoy the experience.
4. Plan the events jointly with family members on both sides and resolve all issues internally.
Because of different backgrounds (Religion, state of origin, age, financial capability, upbringing, faiths and beliefs, customs etc) there are bound to be differences and conflict among the involved parties on how to conduct the wedding ceremony. You can consult us on all aspects, but we all need to be on the same page prior to planning the actual ceremony.
5. Plan the event well ahead of the actual marriage date.
Do contact us 6 to 9 months in advance of the proposed date. We not only do the actual pre-wedding and wedding rituals but can give valuable guidance on planning items like stage, Mandap, guest sitting, proper direction, Muhurtam, appropriate musical interludes, venue logistics, time lines etc.
6. Adhere to the appointments and schedules.
Every body is busy! Plan the events well and stick to the schedules. If you are going to be late, inform. Arriving late to appointments is to show selfish disregard for the other person.
7. Delegate and delegate locally.
Do get your local friends and families involved in the planning and assign them specific responsibilities. Do assign somebody who understands the marriage program and the time line to help the Priest. Make sure that they take the total responsibility — time line, items required, intention etc. Do assign greeters to welcome the guests at the various functions.
Make sure that the hosts have absolutely minimum tasks assigned on the wedding day.
8. Use e-mail for all communication.
We can send much more information via email. It is much easier to discuss the program, the logistics and the timelines with actual documents in front of you. Also, have all your guests’ email addresses for any last minute changes, reminders, latest weather forecast etc. All the parties concerned have a record of exactly what was said at any given date and time.
9. Plan a joint wedding website.
Include most up to date information on wedding program, time line, venue information etc. Keep it alive with most frequently asked questions from your invited guests.
10. Consider having your entire wedding at one location, preferably at a full service hotel.
Ideally, the ceremony, reception, catering and guest lodging should be all at a full service hotel. This makes an enjoyable and stress free wedding with the least amount of potential problems like weather, transportation, changing of costumes etc.
11. Choose the Mandap so the rituals are visible to all.
Your guest will enjoy the ceremony if they can see all the rituals. We recommend an “open” Mandap on a stage. Make sure that the couple do NOT face South during the ceremony.
12. Inform all guests that this will be a solemn occasion and inform them to observe silence.
Do respect the sanctity of this important Samskara. Traditional Indian weddings can be noisy with guests paying little attention to the rituals except at the Muhurtam. Ours is a solemn and religious ceremony. Do ask them to come on time (on the invitations write 10:00 for 10:30 etc.). Do remind guests to turn off their mobile phones. Do ask guests to remain quiet and respectful. Do ask guests with children to sit towards the back so that they do not disturb the proceedings. Having an MC to make these announcements is an excellent idea.
13. Request a rehearsal with the priest and plan for the logistics review of the actual wedding steps.
Hindu weddings involve lots of specific steps and many people. A full rehearsal, preferably at the actual wedding location, a few days before, with all the people involved in the ceremony, will make your actual marriage ceremony a great success. Make this request to your venue coordinator way ahead of time.
14. Bring all items per the lists provided by the Pandit.
Do understand the reason for each item requested and when it will be used in the ceremony. Assign a single coordinator to purchase and have all items delivered to the mandap at least two hours before the ceremony. Alternatively request the pandit to bring everything and give him the money in advance.
15. Create a serene atmosphere for the wedding ceremony.
Rituals are meaningful only if they are done with the belief in them and devotion to your deities. The mantras require a calm mind, serene atmosphere, clean set up and no disturbance or noise. Do provide seating for all the guests and preferably in theatre style. The Hindu ceremony is relatively longer than any civil ceremony and standing guests will get fidgety and begin chatting and moving around.
16. Work with the venue coordinator on Fire rules and regulations.
Homa (fire ceremony) is integral (but not essential) part of authentic Hindu wedding. We light a small fire with appropriate precautions; nonetheless, get permission and see if they can turn off alarms for the ceremony duration (±1hr). If you prefer the venue and are happy to dispense with the actual fire then a decorative standing lamp can be used instead.
17. Use discrete photography and video recording.
Guests love to take pictures and videos during the ceremony. However, in their enthusiasm to get good pictures, they disturb the solemnity and flow of the various rituals. So, please tell them to take pictures discretely. The photographer and the cameraman should not interfere with the proceedings and by no means enter the Mandap for close-ups! It would be best to get a photographer who has already done several Hindu weddings.
18. Do hire a DJ who understands Hindu weddings.
The DJ should work with the Pandit and the bride and the groom for appropriate music during various steps. He must give a clip on (Lapel) wireless microphone to the Pandit; hand held microphones do not work as they interfere with many rituals that Pandit needs to do.
19 Do make suitable preparations for the Dakshina for the priest.
The dakshina (honorarium) is traditional given to the priests in a ceremonial manner at the close of the ceremony. Remember to have the agreed on amount ready in an envelope — it is usually given on a tray along with some flowers, fruits and betel. Often this detail is forgotten and a "token" is offered at the time leaving the priest to follow up later — this is demeaning and embarrasing.
- Don’ts
You can have a beautiful wedding in less than eight hours, with a nice Hindu ceremony followed by a reception in a nice community hall with your close family and friends. No need to stress out over extended and expensive weddings! Weddings are very expensive — so consider dispensing with the frills.
2. Don’t Procrastinate!
Putting things off until last minute will create a disorganized and chaotic wedding. Do not leave major items for the last week. Have a well defined schedule for each event to bring things together.
3. Don’t make last minute requests to the Pandit!
Many guests and family members will ask the Pandit to insert unplanned items during the ceremony (e.g. singing songs, exchanging gifts, adding specific ritual etc). Bring your unique request no later than the day of the rehearsal before the wedding to see if these can be accommodated. On the wedding day follow the program agreed upon.
4. Do not expect everything will go smoothly!
There will be some disappointments such as people may not RSVP on time and may not show up at the last minute. There may be last minute delays and expected help may not be delivered. Some programs may take unexpected turns even after thorough preparations! At the same time, these events will be compensated by many unexpected wonderful events – so, take things in stride and enjoy the function.
5. Do not underestimate actual logistics of the overall event!
There are several considerations of organizing a marriage that requires rational thinking of when, where, what and how to organize the event. Pay attention to space requirements, efficient people flow for reception or dinner, schedule and timings etc. Do not overcrowd!
6. Do not serve food during the Wedding ceremony!
We love to treat our guests with all kinds of goodies when they come to our home and especially to attend the wedding festivities! However, please do not serve food during the puja or the marriage ceremony out of respect for our deities and priests and to preserve the sanctity of the ceremony. It is impossible for guests to eat in silence!
7. Do not arrange seating around tables.
When people sit around tables they cannot properly focus and enjoy the ceremony. Half the guests will have their backs to the mandap and they are also more encouraged to chat. Arrange the seating for the marriage as for a theater preferable in a semi-circle around the mandap so that the guests can feel included.
8. Do not arrange various functions at far away and / or multiple locations.
As stated earlier, ideally, the major functions , for example, the rehearsal dinner or the Sangeet Party a day before, the wedding itself and the hotel arrangements for the out of town guests should be at the same venue or at venues not far away from each other. We have had many experiences where people have arrived late due to traffic issues, getting lost or other headaches just because of the far away locations within the same town. Further, do not underestimate how many times you will visit these venues ! Have them closer to your own home!
Musicians
If you're hiring traditional musicians to play — do make sure that they understand that the wedding is in the foreground and that they are playing background music.
Don't let them think that it is their concert! Do not give them any form of amplifying equipment and make sure that they know that they may be requested to stop playing while the vows are being recited and explanations given.